Local Teacher Arrested at East Midlands Airport


A public school teacher believed to be from Market Bosworth was arrested today at East Midlands International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the head of CI5, George Cowley said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of math instruction.


'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', Cowley said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like “X” and“Y” and refer to themselves as “unknowns and indeterminates”. We have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, “There are 3 sides to every triangle.”

When asked to comment on the arrest, David Cameron said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.” Government officials told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement from the PM. It is believed that a Nobel Prize will follow.


 Weapons of Math Instruction